分類: 我自己的東西

I truly believe everyone has a biological clock.  This clock is different between one another.

For me, the most obvious change is the skin.  I generally have little burn or small cut from things I do.  As far as I can remember, the skin never left scars.  For the past few years, I notice that scars stay and never fade away.  The skin does not heal as nice and fast as it used to be.

我相信每個人的身上都有一個生理時鐘. 每個人的時鐘都不一樣.

對我來說, 四十歲以後身上最明顯的改變是皮膚. 我是個容易受傷的人. 各式各樣的小傷從電腦到紙張, 很多時候我都不知道這傷是從哪來的. 以前這些傷痕在好了以後, 便不容易查覺. 近幾年來, 受傷後還需要擦藥和貼 OK 繃來保護它, 不然會一傷再傷, 好得慢. 幾個月後, 這些疤痕還可以看得出是較淡的顏色. 傷痕恢復的速度比以前慢得多.

I just found out that my big brother has pancreatic cancer.  The doctor announced that he may only have three months to life.  I called him, “big brother”, because he is the oldest among my generation in the family tree.  Frankly speaking, I do not know him every well.  He generally did not attend in the family gatherings.  He seems to have his own way.

A friend of mine passed away few months ago from liver cancer.  It seems that it is getting common to see cancer at younger ago.  What is the cause of the problem?  Forget about last century, do we actually live better even comparing with people as close as last generation?  With the advancement we have in medial technology, do we actually outlive our parents?  Something is wrong with what we eat and live.

Best wish to my bug brother.  With the odd and statistics, I do not wish that he may be able to overcome cancer but to live with dignity and happiness in rest of his life.

Few years back, I can easily workout without any problem next day after a blood donation.  Well, it is not as easy as I used to.  People say body really starts downhill after 40.  I can surely feel it.

I can still feel the effect of blood donation four days later.  These days, it takes about a week to feel normal.  It is not difficult for me to admit getting old.  In fact, I enjoy growing old.  Sometimes, it is the feeling of sadness that life is never coming back.

It took me two hours and half to work this morning.  Generally, I would go workout first.  However the laundry machine at YMCA is out of order thus unable to provide towels.  I thought that I might be able to workout at work.  Unfortunately, the bad weather caused a huge backup on highway.  it was already 9:40am when I arrived at work.

This is the reason why I always prefer to workout first before going go work.

I admire people who have time to write everyday.  Where are the ideas coming from?  How do they know what to write?  This can simply like writing a diary.  Still, life is a time loop.  Can anything new be able to squeeze out from it everyday?

Well, I guess that this is why I am writing, practicing and get some ideas.

上廁所尿尿，一件從小就是反射性的工作，沒有想到中年時需要重新的學習。

小便，一件再自然不過的動作，想不到中年後是如此的麻煩。如果沒有照顧好，除了褲襠濕了一片，乾了以後還可能會有尿騷味。回到家後，老婆問哪裡來的尿味，才知道自己一整天已經聞不出來了，只是不知道上班同仁是怎麼想的。
小便有這麼難嗎？以前小便就是站定位，對準位置，放水。結束之後，抖一抖確定沒有尿尿就可以關門走人了。憋太久時，那種解放的快感是舒暢的。尤其是小便的角度一定不可直射馬桶，不然尿液飛濺把褲管都沾上尿尿。

小時候看了個插畫，上面是一位小朋友輕鬆的表情下的弧形尿尿，大水量比他的人還高。另一邊是一位中年男子，一臉用力的表情，小水量的尿尿卻只在他褲檔前滴著。那時覺得這插畫哪有如此的誇張。這年紀的我深深的感受到插畫作者的體驗，真的就是如此。

現在當小便結束以後，必須要用力的再擠上幾次，確定都沒有尿尿，抖了抖後，再等個一兩秒，才可以拉上拉鏈，整個時間上多了幾十秒。天冷的時候感覺更差了，用力擠了幾次以為已經空了，拉上拉鏈才發現尿尿竟還在流出來。原來還有殘餘的尿尿在尿道裡，天氣冷了感覺不出尿道裡是否還有尿尿。憋太久後，上廁所才發現並不是想像的那麼滿，只是膀胱弱了些所以感覺上好像已經存滿了尿尿。解放時小便的力氣的確比年輕時差了許多，沒有那種強而有力的感覺。年輕時小便像消防車的噴水槍，現在小便只是像開水龍頭這樣的流出來。

如果不小心尿濕褲子，還需要再往褲子上多灑上水，好像是洗手時濺濕的樣子。很快的發現到，卡其褲或西裝褲對我來說已經不能穿了，因為當這兩種褲子濕的時候，濕的部份顏色看起來會深了許多，再往褲子上打灑水反而更欲蓋彌彰，好像泡到水裡去了。現在深色牛仔褲是標準配備，當尿濕褲子時顏色較不明顯。

不過人是會學習的，慢慢的知道尿尿不能像以前一樣的控制自如，必須要放慢速度和專心的感覺。天冷時更是要小心，小弟弟像推牙膏的軟管一樣，確定沒有多餘的尿尿在尿道上。沒事站著時就做些提肛運動，增強下盆肌肉的強度。不要刻意去忍尿，增加膀胱的緊張。當有尿意時，就算三十分鐘前已經上過廁所，還是從座位上站起來去小便。尿尿也許只有一點點，就當做是每三十分鐘後站起來的四肢伸展。在濕了幾個月後，開始習慣這種小便的方式，也比較容易的控制小便的過程，幾個星期下來已經沒有什麼意外發生。

一個成年人尿濕褲子是很不好意思的一件事，但是現在的我似乎是臉皮厚，或周圍的人都很含蓄，從來沒有人當面的問為什麼褲襠濕了一片。｢喔！洗手時，水開太大，濺濕了。」回答草稿已經準備好了。不過阿伯我也不是願意，實在是有時候沒有專心就會出醜。

w: “Papa, you are so poor why mama loves you.”
p: “…”
w: “Is it because you are handsome?”

w: “Papa, you are so poor why mama loves you.”
p: “…”
w: “Is it because you are handsome?”